Kimberly Frey Consulting

There is a lot in life that I know I can’t control. Over the years, I have become adept at understanding what lies in the circle of my control versus what lies outside of it. Truth be told, there is way more that lies outside of my control than within it, but understanding this concept is one of the reasons why I have been able to get to where I am in life today.

I first came across an actual lesson about putting my efforts towards things I can control in Stephen Covey’s infamous book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In the second chapter, Covey explains that proactive people focus their energy on what they can control and influence. In contrast, reactive people tend to focus their energy on things outside of their control and influence which leads to a lot of blaming or complaining.¹ At the time, it was a really eye-opening concept for me – a paradigm shift if you will (which not coincidentally is the topic of the book’s first paragraph). As an adolescent, there had been a lot of very negative things that happened in my life, and a lot of them were out of my control or influence. As a younger person, I definitely was more reactive than proactive. I had a quick temper and an often angry disposition which led to me more often than not speaking and acting before thinking. On top of that I left home at the age of seventeen, which meant that I was also financially reactive because I was constantly borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. As a young adult, operating primarily in reactionary mode was a roadblock to being able to life my best life.

I honestly can’t remember when I first read Covey’s book, but I do remember the light bulb moment that it provided for me. While I might have had a difficult upbringing and adolescence, I also always had big dreams. Staying focused on those dreams was actually one of the major things that helped get me through those really hard years. The 7 Habits was one of tools I needed to help me turn those dreams into reality. Reading through the chapter on control and influence helped me internalize that I did have some control in a life where it often felt like I had none. I needed to stay focused on the things that I could control and work from there.

Fast forward almost thirty years, and the concept of putting my energy into the things I can control has helped me raise two beautiful children into wonderful adults, earn two college degrees and multiple certifications, have an impactful career in education, and now be a solopreneur. Understanding my Circles of Concern, Influence, and Control helps to guide my day-to-day planning and decision-making. Developing this ability in my clients is one of the pillars of the work that I now do as a transformational life coach.

Which brings me back to the title of this post. I’m sure most of you have been reading this and thinking, “What does any of this have to do with making the bed?” Be glad you read through to the finish, because it’s time for the great reveal…

I make the bed because it is something that I can always control. Life gets busy, things happen, and my apartment is hardly ever as neat, clean, and organized as I would like it to be. Yet every morning when I go through the act of making my bed, I know I am in control of that moment. It grounds me in remembering to focus on things I can control. When the day gets out of hand, I can look at that made bed and be reminded to focus on the things where I have the most control and influence. No matter how out of control things might feel, my made bed helps me remember there are always things I can control.

The world can be an absurd place, and it often feels like it’s getting worse each day. One way to combat that sinking feeling is to be proactive. Focus on where you have control and influence and put your energy there. Need help getting your life back to feeling like you’re in control? Working with a transformational coach such as myself could be just the key. Connect with me today for a free consultation to see how I can support you on your journey. You Can Do It. I Can Help.

1. Covey, Stephen. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. New York. Simon and Schuster. 1989. ↩︎