Adulting 101 is Here!

Hi Everyone,

Adulting is hard, and I Can Help! I am excited to announce that my Adulting 101 workshop is now open for registration. I offer an engaging experience where you can be introduced to the skills needed to excel at this whole “adulting thing.” Virtual and in-person options are available. For in-person workshops, I have a limited time promotion so you can bring a friend for free! Just use the code BRINGAFRIEND when you register on my website (both you and your guest will need to register and will both receive half off the enrollment price). Visit my website for more information and to enroll. I hope to see you soon!

The Power of Affirmation

The last time I posted, I wrote about the impact setting an intention for the new year could have for you. Words have power, and with this in mind let’s talk about positive affirmations.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, a positive affirmation is a simple phrase or statement you create and use to help you stay focused, overcome challenges, or fight against negative thoughts. It usually starts with “I am ___________,” and it’s up to you to decide how to fill in the blank. Positive affirmations should be about your character traits, not your physical ones. While a positive impact can still be felt by just bringing your affirmation to mind, it is more impactful for you to speak it out loud – even if it is only said as a whisper. It can be even more powerful if you are able to look at yourself in the mirror while repeating your affirmations. Take it one step further, visualize yourself being exactly what you are saying out loud, and then embrace that truth for your life.

If you are looking to incorporate the power of positive affirmations into your life, here are some tips to support you:

Keep it simple. You can use an “I am” statement as described above or even just a phrase like “I work hard.” What’s important is that the focus is on you. Be sure to create your affirmation using the word I.
Affirmations are all about you. This is why an affirmation should look like, “I am a good mother,” versus “I have good children.”
Find ways to use your affirmation(s) multiple times throughout the day. Put them on sticky notes and hang them on your mirror, in your work space, and/or by your bed – but don’t just read them! Remember, speaking them out loud makes it more impactful and meaningful. You can also set a reminder on your phone so that you can pause whatever you’re doing for 30 seconds to speak your affirmation out loud.

As we journey through May and Mental Health Awareness month, try developing one or two positive affirmations for yourself and practice using them. My personal favorite is, “I am capable,” which I often say after taking a deep breath. Share your favorite affirmation in the comments. It will further cement it in your psyche and can serve as an inspiration to someone else. I look forward to reading them.

Setting Your Intention

Welcome to 2022! The last couple of years have been a roller coaster ride, and we are entering a new year with the pandemic still casting its shadow across our globe. For many people, the start of the new year is a time to create resolutions such as, “I am going to be a better person.” For others, they create specific goals for the new year such as, “I am going to work out at least three days per week.” This year, I suggest you try adopting an intention to guide you over the next 365 days (minus the few that have already occurred).

Why choose an intention over a resolution or a goal? Resolutions and goals are both focused on personal lack. To create the resolution or goal, you must first reflect and determine what is missing in your life or what needs to be improved. Resolutions and goals are also grounded in your achievements. If something happens that prevents you from accomplishing that achievement, you can end up feeling discouraged, disappointed, or even depressed. You start looking at yourself as having failed which can open the door for you to then focus your attention on other failures. This negative way of viewing yourself is unhealthy and will hinder your ability to flourish.

On the other hand, choosing an intention creates a positive focus point on which to build the foundation for your year. An intention keeps you grounded and present and at the same time it allows for you to practice self-care and self-love in a variety of ways. An intention allows for flexibility and forgiveness. Intentions start with your relationship with yourself which will then impact your relationships with others. Intentions are designed to help you feel empowered because they help create a shift in your thinking – which is something you can control – versus your circumstances – which is something you cannot control. Once you have set your intention, you can still set goals, but the intention helps you to remember that the journey along the way is just as important as the final destination.

For 2022, my intention is “Be.” I have always been a goal-oriented person. Although I have developed my practice of being content in my current circumstances, I also am constantly thinking about the next goal I want to achieve or milestone I want to reach. This personality trait has made the last couple of years difficult for me as many of my goals had to be altered, postponed, or discarded altogether (such as my goal of running 20 races in the year 2020). At the beginning of 2021, I set my intention of “Balance.” With all that had occurred in 2020, it was important for me to reset myself. So all throughout the year, I tried to keep this intention of Balance at the forefront of the decisions that I made. This helped me to be more patient with myself as the world continued to be a very confusing place. Working towards Balance is also why this year my intention is to Be. Whatever the situation, I want to be in it. Be Kind. Be Love. Be Hope. Just Be.

What is your intention for 2022? Please feel free to share it in the comments below. If you are looking for support in creating your intention and other strategies to help you be your best self, visit my website to see what services I offer. Together, we can make 2022 the best year possible. #icanhelp

Holiday Season Self-Care

While the holiday season is often full of fun gatherings and celebrating, this time of year can also be stressful and overwhelming for many reasons. It is important to be able to acknowledge this fact and then explore ways that can help you navigate through this time of year.

There are many reasons why the holidays might not be the most wonderful time of the year for people. Schedules getting uprooted, numerous social events happening, and the pressure of finding the perfect gift are just a few of them. Because of Covid, many families also grapple with the added worry around how to visit safely with our family and loved ones. It is also not uncommon for the holidays to be a triggering event for people due to trauma they experienced around/during or because of the holidays, and for those remembering the loss of a loved one the holidays can feel empty because that person is gone.

So, how do we best manage the next couple of weeks so that the holiday season doesn’t leave us feeling defeated or depressed? We need to put taking care of ourselves at the top of our Christmas list. Here are just a few ideas for how to do that:

Guard your schedule. It’s okay to not attend every single social function that you are invited to – especially this year. With so many trying to “make up” for the holiday experiences they missed out on last year, it seems like everyone is gathering even more. While being with others is fun, it can also be stressful. Be sure to give yourself downtime throughout this busy season so that you don’t feel burned out.
Not everyone needs a gift. One of the best things about last holiday season was that we remembered the most important part of the holidays was just being able to be together. Let’s not forget that this year. You don’t need to buy a gift for every single friend, co-worker, or even family member. Let’s remember that the gift of being together is the best gift of all.
Don’t feel pressured to attend events that cause you stress versus joy. Not every gathering is healthy, and if you know that there are people attending who might trigger negative reactions within yourself or that the environment might be unhealthy for you, it’s okay to skip it. Family dinner at Christmas or the holiday office party are not the best times to try to unravel hurts or air grievances, but attending these events while trying to keep your emotions suppressed will only cause you more emotional trauma. Choosing to not participate in triggering situations isn’t selfish, it’s practicing self-care.

As the 2021 holiday season is ramping up to its full height, I hope that you give to yourself the same love and support that you are extending to others. Happy Holidays!

Meet the CEO of your Brain

In January of 2020, I created a blog post titled, “You Mean There’s a Name for That?” The post itself explained what executive functioning skills were and described the various ways that people can struggle with their executive functioning. So much has transpired since that post was first shared, and as I begin to offer executive functioning coaching for individuals 18 and up, I felt it was important to bring this post back. As you read through my original post, if you are someone who feels that you could use support with your executive functioning skills, I can help! Read on for more information about executive functioning skills and how they can help, or hurt, your day-to-day success.

Being unorganized. Losing things. Feeling overwhelmed by daily activities. Difficulty managing your responsibilities at home and work/school. There is actually a name for the set of skills needed to be successful in these various areas and more – Executive Functioning Skills.

According to the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, executive functioning skills are the skills necessary in order for a person to “plan, focus attention, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks successfully.” These are the vital life skills we need to organize our day, create and work toward goals, and live successful, rewarding lives. All individuals with ADHD struggle with their executive functioning skills, but there are many others out there who don’t have ADHD who also experience difficulty in this area. People who struggle with their executive functioning skills experience difficulties in many facets of their lives.

1) Organization – while this is an area of difficulty for many people, individuals who have weak executive functioning skills struggle even more. It is hard for them to sift through all of the information they receive on a minute by minute basis, manipulate it, process it, pull from it what they need, store it in memory to pull from later, or even realize it’s information that can just be dumped altogether. This disorganization can appear to others as just sloppiness or a lack of caring on the part of the individual, but that is far from the case.

2) Starting tasks – because an individual with poor executive functioning skills struggles to be organized when presented with tasks, it is that much more difficult for him or her to even begin a task. While a neurotypical individual usually can get right to it, a neurodiverse individual will often become stressed or anxious just trying to determine where to start. This in turn can cause that individual’s family, friends, co-workers, and boss to assume that the individual is indifferent or unmotivated.

3) Prioritizing – in addition to the difficulties that a person with executive functioning struggles has with just organizing and starting tasks, he or she also struggles to prioritize them. Therefore, what often happens is that the budget report which is due by 5pm is given the same amount of attention as the presentation that is being given later on in the week. While these are both important tasks, a person with weak executive functioning skills has a hard time discerning when and how much effort to give to each project.

There are a myriad of other ways that a person struggles when they have poor executive functioning skills, but the good news is that there are also a myriad of different strategies for overcoming these challenges. If you desire more information for yourself, a friend, co-worker, or loved one – I can help! Visit my website for more information or to request a consultation.

Allow Me to Re-Introduce Myself

I started this blog as part of the initial set-up for the launch of my consulting career. It was 2019, and the world was a much different place back then. Fast forward to our current time, and I am now refocusing my efforts on building my consulting practice and creating a foundation for growth as 2021 is coming to an end.

When I first began planning for exactly what type of consulting services I wanted to provide, I will admit that I struggled to put together my “elevator pitch.” You might have heard of that reference before – and if we end up working together it is a term that you will definitely become familiar with and have an opportunity to apply to your own life. For those of you unfamiliar with the phrase, an elevator pitch or speech is about a thirty second statement that outlines your concept, company, or services you provide in such a way that the listener understands and ideally desires to then learn more about said concept, company, or services. At my first networking event as a consultant, I was less than stellar. I looked the part and had the business cards to pass out, but I struggled to put together an engaging elevator pitch that would open the door for further opportunities. Shortly after that initial event though, the world shut down in an unprecedented way. Once that happened, pursuing my consulting business was at the bottom of my priority list as my focus turned to adjusting to a new normal, keeping loved ones close, staying healthy and safe, and just managing day to day responsibilities in a world that was not making a lot of sense. I believe though, that the time I have spent away from actively building Kimberly Frey Consulting has actually made me more able to understand what services I want to provide and how I want to help my community.

I have been in the teaching profession for twenty years, and I worked with youth in various settings prior to that. The majority of my career has been spent in special education; teaching students with Individualized Education Plans that are designed to help them be as successful as possible in school and have access to an equitable education. During this time, the majority of my students have been those with learning disabilities, emotional/behavioral disabilities, mental illnesses, and/or on the autism spectrum. When people outside of the special education field think of individuals with disabilities, they often picture students with physical or cognitive disabilities and lack an awareness of how other disabilities can impact a person’s life in both school and beyond. After having time to thoroughly assess what I wanted to offer others, I realized that success in the “beyond” years of life was exactly where I wanted to focus. The students I have been working with for over two decades are adults now, and they are navigating their post-secondary lives. College, careers, relationships, self-care and more – these are all areas where many adults still need guidance and support. A common sentiment shared by so many today is that, “Adulting is hard.” As a consultant, my goal is to make it a little easier. Additionally, I want to support adults who are now navigating their own children’s educational needs, as the special education system can be difficult to understand. Lastly, as my former students are making their way in the workplace and business world, I want to ensure that their employers understand that ADA compliance is so much more than creating physically accessible spaces.

So, here you go. Two years later, I finally have created my elevator pitch….. Kimberly Frey Consulting: I provide executive functioning and life balance coaching for individuals 18 and up, support for families of students with disabilities navigating the education system, and inclusivity coaching for workplaces. I will be offering various workshops over the next couple of months designed to help usher in a new year that is full of growth and success. Contact me for more information on how I Can Help!

You Mean There’s a Name for That?

If I were in a room with you right now, I would ask for a show of hands as to how many of you either 1) have heard of them 2) understand what the phrase means or 3) feels confident that you have the knowledge and understanding to teach them to others. Based on conversations I’ve had with teachers and parents over the years, my guess is that more people would raise their hands for the first choice than they would for the third choice.

According to the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, executive functioning skills are the skills necessary in order for a person to “plan, focus attention, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks successfully.” These are the vital life skills we need to organize our day, create and work toward goals, and live successful, rewarding lives. All individuals with ADHD struggle with their executive functioning skills, but there are others out there who don’t have ADHD who also experience difficulty in this area. People who struggle with their executive functioning skills experience difficulties in many facets of their lives.

2) Starting tasks – because an individual with poor executive functioning skills struggles to be organized when presented with tasks, it is that much more difficult for him or her to even begin a task. While a neurotypical individual can get right to it, a neurodiverse individual will often become stressed or anxious just trying to determine where to start. This in turn can cause that individual’s family, friends, co-workers, and boss to assume that the individual is indifferent or unmotivated.

3) Prioritizing – in addition to the difficulties that a person with executive functioning struggles has with just organizing and starting tasks, he or she also struggles to prioritize them. Therefore, what often happens is that the budget report which is due by 5pm is given the same amount of attention as the presentation that is being given in a few days. While these are both important tasks, a person with executive functioning skills has a hard time discerning when and how much effort to give to each project.

There are a myriad of other ways that a person struggles when they have poor executive functioning skills, but the good news is that there also a myriad of different strategies for overcoming these challenges. If you desire more information for yourself, a friend, co-worker, or loved one – I can help! Visit my website for more information or to request a consultation.

I Can Help

I’m official! I am proud to announce that my website kfreyconsulting.com is now live. I am setting forth on a new venture as an educational consultant providing services and support to individuals and families with special education and mental health matters. Before I tell you what services I can provide, let me tell you a little bit about myself.

I started my professional career working with adolescents with severe emotional and behavioral disabilities in the late 1990’s. At that time, I worked at a therapeutic residential treatment center in Florida where I used to live. The work there was hard. We served clients that most other facilities wouldn’t take. We weren’t quite a psychiatric hospital, but we were close. I have plenty of stories from my time there that most people would be hard pressed to believe were true. Yet, I also have so many memories of the good work that was done there – kids who were helped, families that were reunited, and lives that were changed. My time there is actually what started me on my current career path, although I didn’t really realize it at the time.

My entire childhood and adolescent years were spent with me dreaming of becoming a lawyer. I wanted to be a fancy corporate lawyer with all the perks that profession would entail. Seriously. As a kid I would flip through my step-father’s law books (he was a lawyer), and imagine my future self. However, due to a series of life-altering events, I realized I wanted to use my career to help troubled youth. So, I set out to be a social worker with a plan to get my law degree and eventually work with the juvenile and family courts.

While attending my local community college working towards my Associate’s degree, I began substitute teaching. I looked at it as a way to be around kids and continue building my resume while bringing in a little bit of income. Substitute teaching changed everything. I loved being in the classrooms with the students. I worked in a middle school that served a neighborhood that was in distress. Families often lived in poverty with many qualifying for public housing. The neighborhood was the heart of the drug business for that town, so there were the challenges of high violence and crime rates as well. I valued my ability to build relationships with the kids, even though I wasn’t their “regular” teacher. I often was at the school 3-5 days per week, and the more I worked the more I realized this was something I wanted to do. I wanted to be that teacher that impacted a student in a positive way he or she would remember years down the road. When I finished my AA degree, I had completed all the prerequisites for admittance into the Social Work program at the University of Central Florida. The problem? I no longer wanted to be a social worker. I wanted to be a special education teacher. So, I spent my summer taking the four prerequisite courses I needed so that I could be admitted into the Exceptional Education program at UCF instead. The rest, as they say, is history.

So, here I am after close to twenty years as an educator. I have spent most of this time as a special education teacher working with students who have had a myriad of disabilities: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Specific Learning Disabilities, Cognitive Disabilities, and Emotional/Behavorial Disabilities such as ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, and more. As you will see from my website, I provide services to both individual and families in the areas of special education and mental health awareness. Need help understanding your child’s disability and how you can best support him or her both at home and in school? I can help. Trying to navigate your way through your child’s IEP? I can help. Are you an adult with a disability that wants support in identifying ways to be the most successful in your professional and personal life? I can help. Perhaps you’re a business wanting to ensure you are providing a workplace that is focused on positive mental health and equity for all employees. I can also help. While I am not a licensed mental health professional, I am a licensed teacher who has spent years helping others achieve to their fullest potential. I am excited to offer that same expertise to you. I look forward to hearing from you soon!

kfreyconsulting.com

It’s All About the Balance

As a (mostly) single parent to my two now adult children, I have spent most of my professional career working two jobs, seven days a week. When my kids were in middle and high school, I actually taught, was the head varsity coach for multiple sports, and worked as a bartender on the weekends. Even now, I still work as an educator and a bartender – insert the myriad of jokes I’ve heard about this here. In all seriousness though, I think the one question that I am asked the most when people hear about my work hours is, “How do you do it?” The answer I always give is, “It’s about finding balance.”

The phrase “finding balance” is used quite a bit these days. Just google the term and the hits that pop up vary from websites that have the term in their name to articles, books, and counseling services all designed to help you find balance. However, I cannot emphasize enough how important this concept of balance is to your overall mental and even physical well-being. Our lives are comprised of three distinct aspects: body, spirit, and soul. Just as a 3-legged stool requires all the legs to be of equal length and spacing in order to provide secure seating, our lives require these three aspects to be equally tended to in order to feel that balance we all desire.

Body: Our physical body needs proper care in order to stay healthy and feel well. Eating well, drinking enough water daily, getting exercise, and allowing time for rest are all necessary for our health and well-being. However, don’t feel pressured to follow the latest fads or do something just because everyone else is doing it. The only way you will be successful in taking care of your physical body is if you find what works for you. I honestly have never followed any particular dietary plan such as paleo, keto, intermittent fasting, or the like. However, I tell people all the time that I try to balance out my bad choices. I love food, and I love to eat. Trying to restrict myself to a certain dietary plan is a sure fire way to set myself up for failure and negative feelings about myself. Therefore, if I want pizza or a bacon cheeseburger, I’m going to eat it. But then I’m also going to decide to do that burger without the bun, skip the ice cream that day, or run a few extra miles. In regards to exercise, you absolutely must find what works for you. Can’t stand going to a traditional gym? Do you dread the thought of going out for a run? That’s okay. You can go for a walk or a bike ride instead. Maybe playing tennis or golf is more your thing. Take a dance class or join a recreational league and try something new. Whatever you set out to do, the more enjoyable you feel it is, the more you will consistently engage in that activity – and ultimately that consistency is what matters the most.
Soul: Another added benefit of finding physical activities that we are passionate about is that is one way we can in turn feed our souls. Our soul consists of our emotions, our heart, our mental selves. We need to find out what we love and dedicate time to that. Creating art, listening to music, curling up with a good book, watching our favorite TV show, volunteering for a favorite cause, spending quality time with our family members and friends – these are all ways we can feed our souls. Just as you have to find physical activities that you enjoy in order to ensure you will engage in them consistently, you need to determine what activities make you feel the most alive and allow yourself the time to participate in them.
Spirit: This word means different things to different people. Simply put, our spirit is that part of us that is in tune with something outside of ourselves. It is the connection we feel to other living beings and to life outside of us. Finding balance here means that you are taking time to nurture that connection in ways that are personally meaningful to you. It could be through attending church or synagogue, prayer, meditation, or practicing whatever your faith is in whatever way you choose.

The common denominator in all this is that you have to find what works for you. Just because I love running and yoga, spending time with my family, and attend church on Sundays doesn’t mean that is what is going to balance out your life. You might have bad knees, are estranged from your family, and are an atheist. The principles don’t change, though. Until the legs of your stool are evened out, you will continue to feel wobbly. If that is your situation right now, feel free to contact me directly as I would love to help you in your quest for balance. Together, we can help you build your best stool.